Rules of the Cinematic Universe, Pt. 1

Film enthusiasts everywhere have seen enough movies to create lists of rules for nearly every possible cinematic scenario. Here are a few of my own:

Cops are always killed just before retirement.
All local sheriffs are idiots.
Every couple that meets cute, will date, break up, and get back together.
Ammunition never runs out.
All forest trips involve rednecks.
Jeremy Irons is mostly evil.
All billionaires secretly spend their downtime as superheroes.
A girl can have it all (work, family, and happiness) if her name is above the title.
That benign scratch WILL turn into a contagious virus that WILL kill everyone.
If Brendan Gleeson is in a film, 9 times out of 10 he dies.
Shirts are only torn halfway.
Being in a horror film will ruin your relationship.
If french pop music accompanies the film, it's directed by Wes Anderson.
A superhero's mentor will inevitably turn into a villain.
A twist ending will only occasionally make sense.
Zombies move faster if the film is newer.
If there is a woman in a Von Trier film, she will be treated... badly.
Older characters have wisdom, unless that character is Medea.
Parking garages are war zones waiting to happen.
All dogs die in movies where the title is the dog's name.
The uglier a character is, the more evil they are.
The football game always ends in a come-from-behind 4th quarter victory.
Hit-men have hearts.
So do prostitutes.
People running in horror films are 87% more likely to trip and fall.
If it gets quiet, it will get very loud soon.